Basic Coaching Habit #2: Build Relationship



34 Leaders from 10 countries joined together for four days and developed these “Basic Coaching Habits” for anyone asked to be a “coach”.  When coaching someone, we must:

#2)  Build Relationship.  That is what we want most of all, a relationship by be better than a solution.  A relationship lasts, a quick answer may not.  We must take our time and get to know each other as much as possible.

We all KNOW that building relationships is an essential part of our everyday lives and our leadership roles, but we often focus on the task at hand, instead of the person.

When we take the time to build a solid foundation in relationship, it’s better.

Some of us are afraid of this.

Patrick Lencioni, in his book “Getting Naked” (It’s a book about being vulnerable and honest by the way), talks about how fear keeps us from letting our guard down. He addresses 3 common fears that many of us have in leadership:


We’re afraid of doing something wrong that will affect our organization, our team of people, the clients we serve.  We’re afraid of losing it, so we make decisions out of fear, we manage our relationships out of fear and we aren’t able to engage with people because of this fear.


We don’t want to make a mistake, we don’t want to look stupid.  This is our pride that is driving us, and we want to be seen as being smart and competent.  We cover our mistakes, we don’t tell the truth, we try to do everything right.  When you live your life this way, you can’t have genuine relationships.


This is different from being embarrassed.  Our fear of feeling inferior addresses our social standing and our sense of importance. We want people to find value in what we offer, so we want to look our best, be our best and we want people to value us.

Lencioni goes on to define these more, but the basic idea he shares is this:  People are longing for real relationships.  People are longing for real people.  People are drawn to others that are themselves.  People want relationship.

What about you?  Does your fear of keeping up appearances and trying to do everything right keep you from developing healthy relationships?  Are you afraid of being yourself?

Try to answer these questions to yourself:

*Are you more interested in what someone does than who they are?

*Do you take the time to get to know someone before working with them?

*Do you share the truth about yourself or do you project a fake image?  Why?

*What relationships do you have that are genuine?  How do these relationships help you and support you?

*Do you feel alone, like there’s no one to talk to about your real feelings?

We all need to build relationship.  Whether your coaching, training, mentoring or simply in a social context, take the time to build a real relationship.  This will give you a solid foundation to work from and to develop.

Take the time.  People are worth it.

To track the 10 Habits, CLICK HERE

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